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Words On A Screen

They are all just words on a screen. What you are reading right now is just words on a screen. Our blogs have a few other things posted on them at times - photos, images, songs, videos, but mostly, they are just words on a screen. Every IM or private chat you've ever had was just words on a screen. Every “conversation” you've had with every opponent in an online game was just words on a screen. Every chat room you've ever been in was only words on a screen.

With every word that you read on your screen, it is up to you to decide whether to believe it or not. The words can be funny, powerful, cynical, romantic, hurtful. The words can also change the way you feel inside. Some jerk in a chat room calls you fat. He doesn't know you. He's never met you. Never even seen your photo. Yet the seed is planted & the next time you sit down to eat, you think of those words & how they made you feel.

Words are powerful. That was proven yesterday when over 100 of you showed up with your once-a-week check-in over at Os' blog. You were there, excited & ready to tell us all you were Half-Nekkid! That changed quickly, & as you read the words on your screen, your excitement disappeared. Your emotions made a complete 180 degree turn. All from words on a screen. Suddenly, you felt shock, disbelief, empathy, sadness.

I am still dealing with the “disbelief”.

I question everything. I have to assume it is just “my nature”. I question all the words on my screen. You may not know it, but every post I read & every chat window I find myself in, I feel doubt in everything that has been typed to me. I have come to believe that most of you are genuine, but I will never believe everything I read. It is just a fact & it will not change. I will also never believe that every photo that every one of you has ever posted has been authentically you (I‘m not just talking HNT here). I have questioned that in all the time I have spent “online” whether it was a private photo emailed to me or something posted on the internet. Why should I believe that is you? Give me a little more proof...

Let's take Os for example. (Hi Os!) How do we know that the photos he posts for HNT are really of him? Well, seeing as how he has met a ton like 20 people in real life & had his picture made with them & all those other people agree & they say he's real.....I can say for myself, that I believe the photos are of him.

What about Spitfire/Stealthbombshell/Whatever she's calling herself these days? Do I believe the photos she posts for HNT are really her? Yes. I've met her in person & as for me & myself, I can say that they are genuine. You can take my word for it, but you don't have to. It is still up to you to decide whether to believe it or not.

I might be willing to believe someone else is really who they say they are if I make a suggestion & they post a pic of it. Hold a banana on your head, stand in an umbrella while wearing red heart boxers & yeah....I'll believe it's you. Maybe. It would still be a decision when the photo was seen, as to how authentic it was. That's just the way I am.

Another good litmus test (in my opinion) is viewing a webcam. Other than meeting in person, I feel that's about as “live” as it gets online. Turn your webcam on, dance around in a tutu for me, & yeah....I'll believe it's you. For me, that's a little bit more than words on the screen. It helps validate any photos from there on out, along with any that I may have seen in the past. (Hmmmm, that pic doesn't quiiiiite look like her. Oh yeah, that's definitely him haha! And so on...)

I am a real person. I try to be as real as I can be, while still keeping some sort of anonymity. I'm not here to prove any of that. At all. In the end, it is for you to decide. I'm just trying to share my point of view with you.

I'm also not here to try to prove to you whether Betcha was real, whether her photos were really of her, or whether anything she ever said to me or posted on her blog was true, because (and here is my point, for those of you still paying attention)

I DON'T KNOW!

I don't know if any of those things were genuine or accurate. I've never met her in person. I've never viewed her on a webcam not for lack of begging, though! I've never had a way to remove the doubt from my mind that was always there as to whether or not the words on the screen that were coming from her were true.

One thing I do know for sure though,

Whether she was red or yellow or black or white

Whether she was really a male that knew a lot about women's cycles & how to give blow jobs or a female

Whether the photos she shared with us were of someone else

Whether she was from Timbuktu or lived in a kazoo

Whether she was 8 or 80

Whether it was all a lie or not....

The words that came from that person onto my screen every weekday for the past 3 years are gone. Whoever that person was...that is the one that I miss. Right now.